Welcome. You have picked a team that plays in red and white, has a cannon on its badge, and made a lot of grown-ups wait twenty-two years for a Premier League trophy. They are champions now. Here is everything you need to know to keep up at the dinner table.
Where everyone stands
GK · goalkeeperThe only one allowed to use their hands, and only inside their own box.
CB · centre-back | LB / RB · full-backsThe four defenders. Full-backs also run forward to help attack.
6 and 8 · midfieldThe engine room. The number 8 is the captain, Martin Ødegaard — his job is the pass nobody else sees.
LW / RW · wingers | ST · strikerThe three who score the goals. Bukayo Saka plays on the right.
Words the grown-ups shout
OffsideYou can't stand behind the last defender waiting for the ball. It stops people cheating near the goal.
The EmiratesArsenal's home ground in north London. It holds about 60,700 people.
Clean sheetThe other team scored zero. Defenders love this more than anything.
DerbyA match against a nearby rival. Arsenal's is against Tottenham. It is a big deal.
Away dayWhen Arsenal play at somebody else's ground and the fans travel there.
The InvinciblesThe 2003–04 Arsenal team that played a whole league season without losing once. Nobody has done it since.
Quiz: are you paying attention?
Matchday bingo
Tap a square when it happens. Get a full row and you're allowed to be smug.
A note for the grown-up reading this: most Premier League kick-offs land between midnight and 6am in Australia. The results are on this site the next morning, spoiler-free until you tap. Nobody needs to be awake at 2am to be a proper supporter.